Hey everyone!
This blog is going to be a little difficult for me to write. There’s too many things that have happened in our first week here. Lots of things that might challenge how you see God. So buckle up, this could be a long one…
First of all, today is the one year anniversary of doing my first trip with World Race/ AIM. One year ago today, I was arriving at my first training camp and gearing up to go to Colombia. Preparing to be gone for 6 months all through out South America. Life was pretty normal. Not ever a thought of leaving early. It’s so hard to imagine that was just a short year ago.
The Lord is really redeeming how I view myself as a leader.
I remember that the main feedback I got from my teammates in Colombia is that I was judgmental and didn’t listen or value to other peoples viewpoints. Since meeting my new team two weeks ago, the only feedback I’ve gotten is how well I do those same things. People tell me that I’m the only person they’ll talk with. It’s so backwards!
When I showed up to my leadership training for this trip in December, I remember feeling so unqualified. I felt like I was just a goof ball that no one would take seriously. I felt like I didn’t hear the Lord’s voice as well as everyone else. I would say things that I thought the Lord might be telling me, but I was doubting that I could distinguish His voice. I couldn’t understand why I had been chosen to be a leader.
As I was feeling that, one of the team leaders told me that I shouldn’t doubt Him. That I do hear His voice. That I can be confident in that.
In that moment, something clicked in me.
We are not qualified, yet the Lord chooses us anyway.
We are not perfect, yet He calls us righteous.
We mess up continually, yet He makes us justified.
I decided in that moment that it didn’t matter what my mind was thinking. The Lord has brought me here. Even if what He says sounds crazy, I’m going to say it. Because He justifies me. I’m allowed to look crazy for Him.
Since that moment, the Lord has never used me more in my life. He has used me as His mouthpiece more in the last month than the rest of my life combined.
I was writing letters to people on my team that I wouldn’t meet for two weeks. All of them (that I’ve given out so far) have spoken directly to what they needed to hear in that moment. Exact verse references that someone needed to hear. I remember feeling stupid for writing certain things down on some people’s notes, but it’s what He wanted to communicate.
So many deep and challenging conversations within the teams. We’re doing lots of manual labor at a church, which makes lots of time for us to just talk. The Lord has given me questions to ask people. Verse references for people. Prophetic words for people. He’s empowering me to love people well.
I think last night was one of the most redeeming moments on my view of spiritual leadership. I went into our team time feeling so misunderstood as a leader. Having to make calls that could make people upset. I was so close to cancelling it all together out of my own frustration. Yet I felt the Lord telling me to just show up anyway.
Just like He’s been doing this whole month, the Lord gave me some things to ask. Some things to pray about before feedback. The people on my team spoke truth over the exact things that I was feeling were bringing me down. Immediately I got a vision. It was my teammate Asa (the only other boy here) on his knees in the middle of the room we were in with us praying over him. The Lord told me that He was about to receive the gift of tongues. It’s something that Asa has been asking a lot about and wanting. I didn’t have the faith to believe the Lord. That he would really receive that gift in a children’s church classroom in the middle of Turrialba, Costa Rica. Yet I obeyed.
Praise God for that.
I told him that we needed to pray over him and do what the vision said, but I didn’t have the faith to bring up tongues. Within the first minute of us praying, the Holy Spirit wrecked us. He came down in one of the most tangible ways that I’ve ever felt Him. I started praying over Asa’s mouth, and he began to speak in tongues for the first time. We were unable to move from the weight of His presence. The Lord told me that others were about to receive gifts too. Around me I was seeing the effects of the Holy Spirit moving over people. My teammate Aby received the gift of prophecy and visions last night. She was getting a specific vision and words for people in the room every other minute. People were blown away by the accuracy of what she was saying. Asa also received the gift of prophecy. Another teammate Brook was activated in her gift of prayer. We dropped a Holy Spirit bomb in that room. People from the other team walked in as we were praying and were immediately feeling His presence in the room. We spent three hours in that room soaking in His presence. Experiencing Him. Learning who He is. How we works. Getting visions and words for each other. Showing each other a new way that God can love us.
The two teams stationed at this church for this month have been feeling a little discouraged from ministry. All day we’re doing manual labor to repair this church, and they feel like it’s not enough. Yet all day we talk about Him. People are learning new things about Him. It’s easy to see that our main ministry for this month is nothing about the church.
Our ministry this month is to minister to each other.
If I can leave you with anything, it’s simply this:
Obey.
Put yourself in a position to hear His voice. If the Lord tells you to do something. Do it.
I know that some of this can sound weird or foreign. Like what the heck is baptism in the Holy Spirit? How can you experience God is such a real way? Why has your church never talked about this stuff? Where do you see this in the Bible?
These are all questions that have been continually asked by the people on this trip. And the Lord is answering them!!!
Our God is so big. If you’ve gotten to the point where you feel like you fully understand Him and fully know Him, you serve a God that can fit into your brain. A brain the size of a cantaloupe.
My God is bigger than that.
If you are feeling doubts, asking questions, confused, or a little scared- amazing! He loves you still. He sees you still. He can handle your questions. Or if this is something you want to experience- amazing! You can ask for it. He wants to show you new things about Him. Feel free to reach out to me and ask questions too. That’s the ministry I’m in this month! Go ask friends, family, church members, pastors. Learn about Him.
Thank you for reading this all. I hope you saw a new part of Him today and that you’re able to experience Him in a new way. Love you all!!!
I am so freaking proud of you. You have such a gift to not only listen to those around you but also hear what the spirit is saying at the same time. I am so incredibly encouraged by the way you continue to show up as a leader and walk out those hard things. You my friend are so special and loved a ton 🙂
This is beautiful. Praise Jesus.
OMG. MATT. this is so good. ahhh!! So so so so proud of you. I love your obedient heart and I am so excited for all the other crazy things the Lord is gonna do in you and your team!??